Dear L – 

Today’s letter is on a topic I don’t know if im qualified to talk about; love. Now im not about to get all sappy and talk about romantic relationships (that’s for later in this letter) because love exists in so many different forms and I feel that it’s important to explore those areas of comfort and warmth. 

Starting small, let’s talk about the love we feel towards inanimate objects, like my love for books or your love for anything with sequins. I feel that this form of love is so strange and unique because we as humans have formed bonds and preferences for things that can react with us and can’t give back human necessities like affection or warmth. Yet, against human nature (or towards it, depending how you look at it), we form attachments to things like books or small gold necklaces or colorful blankets from our youth or golden stuffed animals that go by childish names, and so on. It’s the memories and emotions we associate these objects with that draw us in time and time again. That beautiful gold necklace that shines and hangs from my neck reminds me of a loved one I hold close to my heart. The candle we burn smells of a faraway place we yearn to visit again. The song that sings of a rallying cry reminds us of an aunt we hold dearly. It’s all in the way we hold things, not only physically but emotionally and mentally. Love is on a million different levels, and this small form shows how mentally involved love is in our everyday lives. 

Friends are loved ones, too. I love my friends fiercely and would do anything to help and support them. This form of love is a bit more physical than the last, but the mental level never goes away. When I see a dinosaur, I think of one of my best friends and how her hand feels in mine and how her head fits on my shoulder and how she dresses in yellow and overalls to make me smile. When I see a lost sweatshirt, I think of another best friend and his annoyance over my constant swipe of his own hoodies and how he holds me when I feel down and how he pinches my feet when he feels like torturing me. When I hear a song filled with unrestricted emotion, I think if another best friend who texts me with his own song recommendations and how his hair always falls to one side and how he finds comfort in the most unbelievable laying positions across unsuspecting friends. It’s the physical and emotional and mental levels combining in a beautiful way in this form of love that I find important in life. Romantic love is its own level and is a beautiful thing as well, but friendship is something that can never be beat. 

Family is an obvious form of love, but I don’t know how obvious it is that family doesn’t mean blood relation to you. I mean personally, I love my family and wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world, but I know that there’s people out there who aren’t as lucky as I am. Some people rely on their friends and strangers for love, creating their own family. Family is family, no matter where it comes from. Family is also unique in the sense that they, in theory, will support and love you no matter what. Now I don’t need anyone telling me how wrong that is and how their moms or aunts or uncles or grandpas dont support them unconditionally, but believe me when I say that I already know this. I have my fair share of family members who have broken their unspoken promise to love and support me forever, no matter what. But I don’t consider them apart of my level of family love at that point. Love is when you and your sister fight nonstop but still give goodnight kisses and hugs before you go to bed since you don’t want to go to bed angry. Love is when you and your parents argue, but if you go to them with your high emotions and dark thoughts, they’ll hold you while you cry and whisper words of truth and encouragement into the top of head. Love is when your family sees you at your worst and lifts you up to your best. 

Now, finally, romantic love. Here’s where me being the writer of this letter gets tricky since i’m not sure i’m qualified enough to talk about this. As I write this, I am in a relationship. I will not give details of my significant other or of how long we’ve been together (where’s the fun in that?) since I dont want to ruin my annoyoumous “vibe” but ill go into detail over stupid little things that wont give anything away. And yes, this is the part of the letter where it switches to me just rambling and trying to figure out my own thoughts and feelings. Anyway, I am in a relationship. This person I’m in a relationship with is a person I cant get out of my head. Every little thing I do and say, I can’t do without thinking about them. I don’t know what this means. When I think of a future, they’re in it. I don’t know what this means. When I think of who I want to spend my life with, I think of them. I don’t know what this means. When I see roses, I think of the countless times they’ve shown up with my favorite flowers in hand just because. I don’t know what this means. When i think of music, I think of that night we drove in their black car at night and they remembered my dream. I don’t know what this means. When I see the ocean, I think of their love for big waves and the countless summer days they’ve spent wasting in the sun. I don’t know what this means. When I see a sunset, I think of their uniqueness and their perfection and colorful personality. I don’t know what this means. When I see a camera, I think of their passion for photography and their countless adventures with their camera in hand. I don’t know what this means. When I look down at my hands, I think of theirs and how they wrap miles around my own. I don’t know what this means. When I look for inspiration, I think of them and their words of encouragement. I don’t know what this means. When I think of happiness, I think of their stretching smile. I don’t know what this means. When I see the color brown, I think of their carmel eyes melting in the sun. I don’t know what this means. When I see spirals, I think of their soft hair and how it feels running through my hands. When I see them, I think of their willingness to buy me acres of land so that I can have my very own farm. I don’t know what this means. When I hear songs crowing about love, I think of them. I don’t know what this means. But I do think I know what this means. I think it means love. 

Love. A terrifying word I never wanted to use in a romantic way. In my mind, I’ve always thought of that word as a word that’s a symbol for your heart, naturally. But when you give that word to someone, you’re giving them your heart…along with the power to break it. Because of this, i’ve always shied away from using the word in any romantic way. I’ve jumped leaps and bounds to avoid it… yet here I am writing you a letter on the very word that used to give me nightmares. As we grow, love has new meaning to me. It’s not a word that will ruin me. It’s not a word that I shy away from anymore. Its a word of strength, because as we talked about last time, being vulnerable and weak is the strongest thing you can ever do. 

I guess this is where I finally give some advice; don’t be afraid of love. Don’t be afraid of it because it surrounds you already. Whether it’s in your favorite food or your favorite shoes, your favorite tv show or your favorite movie, your favorite relative or family member, your favorite friend or all of them combined, love is in it all. Love wraps us in her warm embrace and pushing her away is useless. So if you’re afraid of love like I was, don’t be. Getting hurt happens, I’m not pretending like it wont. I’ve been hurt in the past, hence my previous fear of love. But love made me stronger. Love made me open my eyes and see the positive. Love those around you, romantically or not. Love fully with no restrictions, and I can promise you that it’ll be the best thing you ever do.

Love, 

C