How does one go about saying no? Possibly one of the hardest words to say in the face of a peer, friend, or even mentor. In the decade of elaborate dance proposals, how does one turn down an offer, made in front of a crowd, with a sign and roses. The “proposer” is wearing their heart on their sleeve, for all to see. It’s the feeling of being trapped in a box, with only one door, and the only exit is the word “yes”.  

The box is easier for some than others, sometimes the “yes” comes from a sincere honest place. More often than not the “yes” is forced stemming from pity towards the other, and sparing the other from the embarrassment. Yet, why give the proposer the affirmative, when there is no desire to actually attend any event with them.

“We have an instinctive need for connection to other people—it’s essential to our survival. We worry that saying no will break these bonds,” said Vanessa Bohns, Ph.D., a professor of organizational behavior at Cornell University. Saying no won’t break any bonds, the instinctive need is now obsolete, humans no longer require others for survival. It’s a vestigial feeling.

In a society where many are raised from birth, to be polite, and spare feelings of others, defying the standards ingrained in our minds, is difficult, impossible for many. Yet, rather than say no solely on the basis of having no interest in the other. Rather say no for oneself, why waste time at dance with thoughts consumed of others feelings. Spoiling the fun of the dance.                                                                                                                                           Saying no, is the solution, its the alternative route out of the “box”, harder to follow through with, yet with a better pay off.