Brush and Palette

Are couples rubbing it in our faces?

Illustration by Lea Schaffer

Illustration by Lea Schaffer

Sasha Kvitsinski, Editor-in-Chief/Managing Editor

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Yesterday, on February 14, many Americans, including myself, had to face the fact that we are still single. This reality, for many of us, came as a surprise as we forget that we are single for the duration of the entire year—until this day. For some reason, every couple feels the need to shove their relationship in our faces. Full of chocolates, roses and other unnecessary signs of affection, Valentine’s Day seems like a corporate ploy in which society dictates that love is measured by the cost of one’s present. As the years progressed, the sole purpose of Valentine’s Day has become to shame us into believing that we want and need a relationship to be happy.

Therefore, as every Valentine’s Day comes around, the single community comes together in an act of solidarity in order to speak out against corporate tyranny and complain about how selfish and unnecessary couples are being. And rightfully so—as it is our right to protest the flaws we see in our society. But, I will be the first one to come out and say that single people aren’t doing enough. Judging by previous annual protests, it is no surprise then, that our crusade against the unavailable populus has not been successful. The very things we complain about regarding Valentine’s Day are things that happen every day of the yearthose sly married couples are just easily able to get away with them. But not for long.

Today, and every day from this day on, I call upon my fellow single people to be extra vigilant, constantly looking for opportunities to crush the couples that constantly post about how happy they are on Instagram and Snapchat. We shall plan marches and protest on a national level against all couples that make us feel upset. We must organize ourselves, call our congressmen, sign petitions and do whatever else is needed to end the tyrannical rule of relationships.

This call to action comes at a crucial point in history; this may be our last opportunity to gain leverage over those who attempt to belittle us. The problem worsens by the day, and soon, we will be overcome with couples. Why, only last week I was walking down the street to grab a cup of coffee when I was aggressively attacked by a couple: As I turned the corner, I came to find a man on his knees proposing to a woman. In order to avoid this imminent threat to my mental stability, I quickly turned around and walked home, sad and disappointed in a society that allows couples to flaunt their love shamelessly.

It is time for us to rise up, to fight those who are more attractive, more funny and more intelligent than we are, and to come out on top, proving once and for all that we are not losers, that it is our choice to be single, and that we are better off because of it. As the corrupted structure of society begins to fall, those who are dependant on others for happiness will take their rightful place in the social hierarchy: below those who drive slowly in the left lane, but above those who post pictures of their food.

From personal experience, the notion of love is unrealistic. It gives us false hope and almost every time ends up hurting us when we are inevitably broken up with. Therefore, we will not stop until we get what we… wait a second–scratch that– you won’t believe what just happened. Johnny just asked me out! Well, I have to go and find a picture to post for our 30-second anniversary.

But honestly, there’s nothing wrong with couples–stop complaining.

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Are couples rubbing it in our faces?